It’s All About Me

Almost 19 months after my second son was born, and here we are: me, hating my body, me, feeling no self worth, and it’s time for this to stop.

I owe it to myself, first and foremost, to stop with the self-hatred. I owe it to my husband, who tells me daily that I’m beautiful, even more beautiful than when we first met, to stop saying, no, no I’m not, I’m ugly. I owe it to my kids, who deserve to be raised in a family where body shaming is banned, especially by their mother about herself.

I’m buying myself a fitness tracker for Mother’s Day – whether it’s the Apple watch, or something cheaper – and I’m choosing me. I’m going to buy myself comfortable walking shoes and find athletic socks without holes somewhere in my drawer. I’m going to download the C25K app and I’m going to learn how to run and not let my heavy boobs be an excuse any more.

Last week, when I made this decision to love me, I took a walk after the baby went to sleep. It was still light out and my walk took me down a path where I could see Mt. St. Helens from a vantage point I didn’t know existed so close to my house.

I will never be skinny, but that’s not my goal. My goal is to be healthy and happy in the body I’ve been given. Let the self-hatred be blown to smithereens.

Advertisements

One thought on “It’s All About Me

  1. A constant struggle for me as well. My brain keeps making me want to crawl out of my skin. Time for us both to kick those thoughts to the curb! I love my weights class, and keep hoping for an instant mindset change, but it’s painfully slower than instant. In the meantime, I remind myself to be kind to me. Please be kind to beautiful you also!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s