In every baby stage I remind myself that this is just a phase and it won’t last forever: the transition to no swaddle, the transition to a crib from a bassinet, these are all hard and in the middle of the sleepless nights, it seems that it will never stop, the endless hours holding the fussy baby.
And then it’s over. For a while.
The teething, cranky baby was up off and on between 11 and 2 last night. I ended up sleeping on the single bed in his room with him next to me, because sleep training be dammed, I just need some sleep and I just need Future President to not wake up, too.
I am teaching right now, which means my work load doubles as does my commute because class ends at 5:30. I enjoy the teaching but trying to juggle the demands of my regular work and my family is impossible. I feel like a bulldozer has run over me then backed up and did it again.
I recently read one article about how hard it is for full time working moms to lose weight after having a baby and another article about maternal and infant health and how much harder it is for full time working moms to breastfeed as long as is recommended. I’m here to tell you both of those are true: if I am able to eat food while it’s still warm, I’m happy.
When I walk in the door, the baby is overtired and hungry. I don’t even have time to change out of my work clothes before I have to feed him (mommy guilt requires that at least try to maintain a small milk supply). His bedtime nursing takes about 20 minutes, after which is time to start Future President’s bedtime. Twenty minutes later I might get to eat if my husband had time to make something. If not, we forage the cupboard and eat handfuls of chips while watching a single episode of TV before my eyes are too heavy.
Tonight as I type this I am still in my work clothes, my belly is full of microwaved veggie sliders and strawberry and arugula salad, and both boys are in bed, quiet before 9pm. There are many blessings in my life, I just wish I wasn’t too tired to appreciate them.