Done with One?

This post is really none of your business.

But here I am anyway. Done with one? It’s the question of the minute, of the hour, of the day. It’s something I think about constantly. My student worker just asked me this very question last week.

I told my husband we would be done having children by the time I turn 35. Less than two years to make a decision about a second child.

One is the loneliest number. Or is it?

Sometimes I feel like I’m the only one struggling with this question. (Of course I’m not. In my MILPs bloggers’ group – that’s Mothers in the Legal Profession, for the uninitiated – I am comforted by Frenchie’s post about maybe adding a second child to the mix, and sometimes have similar feelings as CP with Babies on the Brain.)

I am jealous of my mommy friends that have flexible schedules, work part time or stay home with their children. But I’m not too jealous. I am not programmed to mommy full time. In my ideal world, I would work outside of the home three days a week. It seems perfect. Or maybe get a professorship (that’s laughable, I know!) with a nine-month contract, so I could have summers off. But I am not that lucky. For financial reasons, I need to work full time. My husband is a fantastic lawyer, but his job doesn’t provide any benefits, so we rely on mine for health insurance. (Damn you, law school. Damn you, student loans!)

When I got pregnant with Future President, I had babies on the brain. I even started crying once at Starbucks when talking to my husband about it. I wanted a baby so badly. I would stare at babies in the grocery store and at restaurants and always offer to hold my friends’ babies.

Now, I would describe it as an ebb and flow of want. We know how hard it is to have a baby. We know how difficult it is to make child care decisions, to spend sleepless nights rocking a colicky baby only to have to go to work the next day. But we also know how wonderful it is be parents. We love being parents, and seeing my husband interact with Future President makes me fall in love with him a million times more.

I suppose I am waiting for a sign, that alarm clock intensity that happened with baby #1. It may never come. I’m not getting any younger and have already dealt with more health issues that someone my age should. There is no perfect answer, although I know that whatever we decide will be perfect for us.

I am genuinely curious – if you work full-time outside the home and have more than one child, what made you decide you could do it all over again?

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One thought on “Done with One?

  1. Thanks for sharing your perspective, too. Obviously, I have no advice for you, since… yeah. How old is Future President? For me, the age-difference continuously widening is what puts the biggest pressure on me to get started sooner rather than later.

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