I moved a lot after college. To the D.C. area for law school, then to Seattle for library school, then to Salt Lake City for my first job. Each move was incredibly difficult because it was so hard to make friends. In law school I had two good friends. Two. Because of D.C. traffic (and, oh yeah, a little thing called law school) we didn’t socialize as much as I would have liked. I didn’t make any other friends the entire three years I lived there. We kind of tried. We only sort of went to church. We just never found one that fit. The DS was better off in the friend department, though, and met all sorts of cool people at work.
In Seattle, I had better luck. I 100% lucked out with my library class. To this day, many of those women are my dear friends. But again, we were in school, so didn’t get to hang out as much as we would have liked. And yeah, Seattle traffic sucks. And we lived in the suburbs, as we are apt to do.
The first year in Salt Lake City was so hard. The DS was still in Seattle, so every other weekend one of us would fly to the other city. And then we didn’t want to hang out with other people. Fortunately, the DS’s cousin and wife lived in Salt Lake City and became our lifeline. They are now our couple BFFs.
After the DS finally moved to Salt Lake City, we finally started going to church and the Friday Night discussion group. We started inviting people to our house. I helped start a book club. It was amazing. We had a baby and complete strangers started talking to us. But it took almost two and half years before we felt at home.
And then we moved again. Back to the DS’s home territory, where we have to start again, in the suburbs.
It’s incredibly difficult to make friends after 30. I think it has a lot to do with the fact that we are not in school any more. School throws you together with like-minded people. Plus we have jobs and lots of us have kids and houses and lawns and other responsibilities so we can’t meet for get-to-know-you coffee to have long chats about books and movies and food.
So we have to start going to church again. And agree to help at Sabbath School. And make small talk. And go to the public library’s story time for toddlers. And hope we get lucky again.