Title redacted

It’s called sleep regression. And it’s been happening for a few weeks. Last night was the worst.

7:50: Hooray, he’s asleep! I think I’ll make the great choice of staying up until 10 catching up on Top Chef Masters.

11:30: He wakes up hungry, but that’s okay since it’s been almost 4 hours and this is normal. Eat and back to sleep in about 10 minutes.

1:30: Why are you awake already?!? It’s only been 2 hours. Hungry? Okay fine. And I proceed to fall asleep while he’s eating. My right arm and shoulder are in the weird position I sleep in when he’s in bed with us since I’m convinced I’m going to suffocate him. Restless sleep for me but he’s out, enjoying another few hours of sleep in mommy and daddy’s bed. Bad habit! But I’m tired and too lazy to get up.

4:00: Awake! Not hungry! Fussy enough I don’t care he’s been banished to his room to cry. “I’m so frickin’ tired!”
4:05: Crying. I’m a bad mother for just leaving him there but I’m too tired to get up.
4:10: I’m going to hell.
4:30: Awake from bad dream that I now assume had something to do with guilt.
4:31: Retrieve him from crib and rock in brown recliner.
4:32: He’s asleep! So am I! I never thought I’d do this again, sleep in the ugly brown chair. I thought we were done with that at 8 weeks.
5:00: He’s stirring. No!!! [insert explicit children’s book title here…note to self, find out who wrote it and request it for birthday]
5:01: Crisis averted.
6:30: Hungry! Back and shoulder now in severe pain after sleeping in ugly brown chair. Must make massage appointment.
6:31: Eat and fall back asleep. Google 4 month sleep patterns, discover something called sleep regression. Too tired to find out when it ends.
6:41: Must get out of bed for work. Future President is now sleeping like a baby in his own bed. Not fair.

7:25: Hello Starbucks, my old friend.

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